Thursday, May 9, 2013

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.

Public service announcement for you today, kids!

Break ups suck. They just plain suck. It's been awhile since I got dumped. Actually, it's been awhile since I've been in a relationship. (Why does every single man I meet insist that they want children?! It's an epidemic. Seriously. And I'm allergic to children.) 

Everyone has a break up story like getting dumped while still naked in the guy's bed or being dumped via effing email (oh, that doesn't happen to everyone? Just me?  Hmmmm). And hey, feel free to share any and all break up horror stories with me. In fact, lets meet for some serious happy hour and bitch about our exes! I'm totally in. Lets do it!

What I'm not into is seeing a break up happen publicly via teh interwebz. Actually, that's a total lie. I love watching that shit. But it does make me feel vaguely uncomfortable even though I seem incapable of stopping myself from watching the train wreck.

I follow someone on twitter that just recently got dumped. She's got over 700 followers and we're not personal friends or anything. She's really smart and entertaining, so I follow her. Right now, however, she's putting her heart out there for the whole world to see and it's a little painful to watch.

I totally get it. I mean, the very first thing a person wants to do when they get their heart broken is to passive aggressively lash out at the person that hurt them. In fact, I once got dumped and then got to see awesome things posted on social media like "love shouldn't be mediocre" and "I've never been into blondes, anyway". How unfair is that? (Why, yes, I do hold grudges, thanks for asking!) I get my heart broken and I get to see that stuff? Really? 

What people don't get in the heat of the moment is that while you're busy publicly lashing out at your ex, you also want them to miss you, right? I mean, everyone wants their ex to at least feel a little bad. Let me just say, I'm not missing you when you're publicly humiliating me. Just sayin'. Also, it looks a little cray cray.

Having social media on our freaking phones with 24/7 access to feeding our voyeuristic tendendencies, sometimes it's hard to rein ourselves in. I get it. Just know that once you put it out there, you can't take that shit back. Teh interwebz never forgets.

 It's like a globally visible version of drunk dialing. It makes perfect sense after drowning yourself in vat of Jose Cuervo to call out your horrid ex-boyfriend or girlfriend for that nasty case of herpes you got, but then in the oh-so-harsh hung over light of day, all you've really done is announce to the world that you have herpes. 

All I'm asking is that you think about it before you post something on the web. Give yourself a few hours, maybe even wait until that bottle of merlot wears off. I can't tell you how many "fuck you" letters I've written only to shudder reading them the next day. I make myself wait a day before sending something I might regret. 

I almost never end up sending the email/tweet/post. Anytime I've posted without waiting, I pretty much regret it 100% of the time.

I gotta go. I gotta see what else Is being posted on Twitter. If you have an awesome break up story, let's hear it!


  1. I had a guy dump me by calling to tell me he'd met someone oh-so-wonderful. He proceeded to tell me that I wouldn't want him because all of his relationships lasted two years. Fast-forward almost exactly two years and he called to try to get me to come over (10pm on Saturday night) for a drink. He told me he was bummed because he thought they were "going to" break up because he told her he never wants kids. I declined. A few weeks later he called again to invite me for a drink because they had broken up. Again, I blew him off. Now he's engaged to yet another girl who has two kids. Go figure. I stalk her Facebook page because the shit she writes about how wonderful he is cracks me up. I'll admit it. I'm a Facebook stalker - mostly to remind myself that some bullets are better off dodged.

  2. Let's be honest here, everyone stalks their ex. Lol!

    I had a guy break up with me by telling me he wanted to sleep with other people...while I was still in bed with him. Naked. Yup. That was awesome. But now he's married with kids and hates his life and he tells me all of the time he made a mistake. And that totally rocks. Hee hee

  3. I need this person's twitter handle STAT! haha.

    1. Omg, she keeps ranting and ranting and then deleting her entire timeline. Can't.stop.watching.this.trainwreck.

  4. I went out on a date with a guy in college who broke up with me half way through dinner. He forgot his wallet, I was starving, and I decided to finish dinner while crying since I was being forced to pay anyway. To make things even better, I had picked him up in my car before the date and he asked for a ride home. I had to listen to him tell me how cool I was, how he wasn't good enough for me for 45 minutes, and that I was actually a pretty crier (thanks jerkface!). He should have offered to walk home.

    1. Omg, Melanie! That's awful! What a jerk!


Thanks for reading!