A Running Story

It probably doesn't seem like it, but I have been actually running. I just haven't blogged about it. I mean, how many times can I blog about how I dragged my sorry ass out to run, it was hot, I was miserable, the end?

Last week, I met my friend, Lara, at this mountain trail we run usually once a week. I will preface this little story by saying that if it weren't for Lara, I would get pretty much no running done at all. I do tend to get super cranky toward the end of our runs because if you've ever run with someone much faster and in better shape than you, then you know how hard it can be to keep up, even when that person is slowing themselves down for your sake. So, thank you, Lara! You're my running rock, or as I affectionately like to call her- an alien billy goat.

Pretty much...

I fully believe that Lara is impervious to pain, heat, and bad attitudes, which I can fully appreciate...as long as I'm not suffering. But I'm always suffering on runs because I hate running. But I like racing and I have to do a few training runs occasionally to pretend like I'm an athlete.

So anyway, last week, we met at the mountain. I hadn't done any running for a week and a half prior to that when on a 10 miler, we were attacked by vicious Mosquitos in the middle of the desert. Shouldn't that be illegal? I mean, it's the desert for sobbing out loud. I could practically feel the West Nile Virus attacking my cells.

The mountain trail is 4 miles out and 4 miles back, but I have a hard time doing the full 8 miles before it gets dark. I have no problem running in the dark, per se, but I do have a problem with the horrible footing, which Lara prances over like a magical unicorn, and the possibility of rattle snakes. More on the snakes later.

The first mile of that trail is steadily uphill and a total bitch, because you feel winded before you've barely started. Lara asked me, as she always does, "how far do you want to run today?"

My standard answer is 5 or sometimes even 6. The problem is that if you decide to go 6 miles, the last hill is to the turn around is brutal. I'm not capable of running up it. I pretty much crawl up it, huffing and puffing and cursing Lara. So in an effort to avoid that scenario, I always bring my iPod and cheerfully tell Lara, she can run ahead and it won't hurt my feelings. Then I can plod along like the slug that I am and post pictures on Instagram, which is the real reason why anyone runs in the first place.

So much for not running in the dark.

So, pretty much every run on the mountain goes something like this:

Lara: How far do you want to run?

Me: four, maybe five miles. (I try to keep her expections low)

Lara: Okay. (She likes to pretend she's okay with my answer.)

Somewhere around mile two:

Lara: Are you sure you don't want to do six?

Me: I'm good with five, but it's fine if you want to run ahead.

Lara: how about we run to 2.5 miles, then I'll go on and do 3 while you just walk in that direction and I'll catch you on the way back.

Me: hrmph, fine. But I'm not doing that horrible hill up to mile three.

Lara: (no answer)

When we hit the 2.5 mile mark where she was going to run ahead...

Lara: I know, how about we take a different route back that is more downhill and more direct?

Me: okay, but I'm not doing that hill.

Somewhere close to 3 miles in, I realize I'm halfway up that fucking hill.

Me: Damn it, Lara!!! I said I'm not doing this hill.

Not only did I have to make it to the top of that God forsaken hill, we had to climb even higher to get to the trail to take us back.

I was pretty cranky at this point. Now, I'm a big enough person to admit that it's probably good for me, blah, blah, blah, but I didn't get my way, which is the real crime here.

Me: NO MEANS NO, LARA!

Lara: You're being dramatic.

Anyhoo, I survived, but I'm sure I was unpleasant to be around. Also, we ran into a rattle snake. At first, I thought it was the cicadas getting really loud as they tend to do when it's going to rain, but nope. It was a rattlesnake, rattling away at us and letting us know we were not wanted. I can't remember the last time I had a scare like that. And as much as I would have loved to Instagram that sucker, even I have my limits.

And they lived happily ever after, until the next run during which, I also complained the entire time.

The end.

 

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